The Widow Ch.2

My date with Donald was not the first sexual experience I had since my husband had passed away. The first with another person, yes, but you know, there are other ways.
I had become a widow at age 28 after a 10 year marriage. Two months after that I was still in a cloudy haze, not sure of anything. People had been so very wonderful to me, but after a few weeks everyone seems to think it is time to move on. "Accept what happened and move on," they say. But it doesn't work that way. Not with a spouse, especially. I didn't understand that either, until it happened to me.
I was a Junior Executive in a rather large company, but the division office I was in consisted of six Junior Executives (I was the youngest and the only woman) and our boss, along with secretaries, assistants, and other personnel. My boss, Tom, my assistant, Jennifer, as well as my friend Donald (who didn't work there) seemed to be the only ones who hung in there with me and realized I wasn't yet recovered, and I probably wouldn't be for a long time. They were wonderful.
Jennifer was the first to give me actual, physical relief. Yes, I mean sexual, but no, I don't mean lesbian sex. I wasn't into that, but after those couple months had passed, I started to really miss orgasms. Jennifer was only a year younger than me, but she was single and dated a lot. I was newly single and had only been with one man. I was naive in a lot of ways. So I turned to Jennifer, whom I had confided in before.
"I really miss, you know, sex. Rodney and I used to do it a lot, and now - nothing," I told her one day in the privacy of my office.
She looked at me. "Do you mean you are ready to date?"
"Oh, God, no," I gasped. "I can't even imagine that."
"Oh, I see," she said. "Well, there are other ways to get satisfaction. You know, satisfy yourself."
"I know," I said, giggling. "I've done some of that. But aren't there other ways? Things to use?"
Now Jennifer giggled. "Oh, yeah, sure. You mean like dildos? Vibrators? That kind of thing?
"Yes, I suppose so." I was embarrassed to be talking about this, even after the deeply emotional conversations we have had.
"Do you want me to recommend some?"
"Some?" I asked. "How many do I need?"
Jennifer could see I was uncomfortable even talking about this. This was one area where I had no experience. She looked at me and asked, "Would you like me to pick something up for you?"
I smiled, relieved. "Yes, that might work best. Thanks."
*****
The next day Jennifer brought a package into my office. She placed it on my desk and looked at me with a quirky smile.
"What's this?" I asked.
"The little item we talked about yesterday," she answered.
I was a little slow, but finally caught on. A big grin showed on my face, and a few butterflies started flying around in my stomach.
"Oh, that." I opened the box and gasped a little at its contents. It was a big, penis-shaped piece of - what? - rubber? "It's so..." I wanted to say big, but I hesitated.
Jennifer spoke up. "I just got a small, simple one for you. It sounded like this is new to you, so I thought - you know, a beginner's version."
I wondered to myself why it looked this big if it was 'small' like she said. Then I thought about all those jokes and comments about 'big dicks. If Jennifer thought this wasn't very large, maybe it was my husband who was small. I never had anything to compare his penis to. Not that it mattered, but I'd better keep my comments to myself.
Jennifer continued, "I can get a bigger one if you want. And there are lots of other choices. Vibrators, eggs, rabbits, butterflies.. ."
She kept talking but I tuned her out. I didn't even know what she was talking about now. How many choices did a girl need? "No, this will be fine. A beginner's version. That's good." I smiled at her nervously.
"You just, you know, put it in, like it was a man," Jennifer said.
I had to act like I knew something. "Yes, thanks. This is good. I'm sure it will help me out." I really didn't know much about this. I never had used them. My husband had always taken care of my needs.
I paid her for it, of course, before she left, then sat there and stared at it. I let it sit on my desk, not even touching it, my attention drifting back to it often. until someone came in. I grabbed for the box and swept it into a drawer before anyone saw it. I then left it there until it was time to go home.
Once home, I took the box and sat it on the table and, for the first time, took it out of the box. I felt it in my hands, looking mostly at it's size and thickness. Yes, definitely bigger than my husband's was. It actually looked like a penis. A circumcised one, which my husband also wasn't. But he was gone, and I had to deal with it. I held the fake penis in my hand as if there was a man there. I pulled it, stroked it, rubbed it against my cheek, put it on my lips - oh, yes, it was bigger!
I decided I needed to use it, see how it felt. I slowly stripped off my clothes, looking in the mirror as I did it. This was the first time I really felt like a woman since Rodney's death, a woman getting ready to have sex. I exposed my breasts, seeing them in reflection. "Nice," I thought to myself. Nearly perfect cones, firm, pretty little nipples that would soon be getting bigger and harder. I slid my skirt down, and my slip, standing only in panties, admiring the tiny waist and round hips, long, thin but shapely legs. I tried to look at myself in a detached way, but I actually liked what I saw. Not perfect, of course, but a pretty nice looking woman. Thank goodness, because this was the first time I was going to have sex with...
WHAT? I was going to have sex with a damn dildo! What was I thinking? I was really going over the edge. God, I was pathetic! I stood there and broke into laughter at the strange thoughts that had been going through my head. Well, it wasn't the worst or the weirdest thoughts I've' had recently. I really laughed, at myself, at the situation, at the fact that I was laughing! It was a good thing. Laughing hadn't been a common thing for me lately.
But on to more serious things. Evidently I needed this badly. Shedding my panties, I sat nude in a comfortable chair, setting the dildo nearby. Now what? I began stroking my labia lightly, in the usual way - with my fingers. A pleasant little feeling at first, gradually building up into actual heat. I spread my legs wider, and spread the lips of my pussy as well, sliding my fingers deeper. When I started getting a little wetness on my fingers, I moved my fingertip up to find my clit. A small spark shot up into my interior. I reached over to get the dildo, getting a firm grip on it. Now is the time to see how this thing works.
Slowly I slid the dildo between my legs, rolling it between my lips. I moved it back and forth while rolling it. I was wet, and the dildo was getting wet as well. After a while doing this, the tip pushed in a bit at my opening. I stopped at the strange sensation I got. I pushed at my hole a couple more times, smiling to myself, feeling good. Sliding the pole in my slit some more, I would push it at my hole every few trips. Then I pushed it up at my clit. I started to pull the hood away so the dildo could have access, but my clit was already enlarged and exposed. The wet dildo pushed against my nub, causing sparks to again shoot through my body, stronger this time. I moaned with feeling. This was good.
One hand started rubbing my nipple, always a favorite erogenous zone. After fingering it for a while, I brought the dildo up and rubbed it on my nipple. It felt good, hard and wet with my juices. I rubbed the wet nipple with my finger and used the dildo on my slit again. By this time I was using more pressure. It was pushing deep between my pussy lips, sliding back and forth, still pushing at my entrance from time to time. My breathing was getting shallow, my hips were thrusting, my pussy was sopping wet - it was time to try pushing it in.
I held the wet dildo at my entrance, spread my legs further, gathered my resolve, took a deep breath, and pushed it in. It only went in an inch or so, but it hurt a little and I stopped. It didn't really hurt much, I thought, and I pushed it in again. A little deeper this time, but it still hurt. No pain, but it wasn't as much fun as I had hoped. I held it just inside my entrance and wondered what to do. Rotating it in my hole to make certain that it was wet turned me on some more. Yes, that felt good. I kept rotating it as I put more pressure on it and it started sinking into my hole. It didn't hurt, it felt good. As it sunk in I would stop after an inch or so, rotating it in place, then push in another inch.
After it was in about five inches, I was at my limit. That was as far as anything had ever been. So I pulled it out and pushed it in again only faster. Ohhh. Yes, that was good. Pull it out again. then in again. Yes! Again. Again. Harder. Faster. Oh, yes this was nice. It reminded me of Rodney's dick plunging into me. Just a flash of nostalgia, then back to pure sexual excitement. My hips bounced on the dildo as I plunged it in. It was thick, stretching and filling my vagina completely. As the dildo kept plunging in and out of my pussy, my other hand left my nipple and reached down for my clit. I was soon rubbing my clit vigorously and shoving the dildo into my pussy with abandon. Jolts of pleasure shot through my body. I heard myself moaning, groaning, my head flopping back, sweat running down my forehead.
I was close to cumming. My orgasm was building as I kept abusing my clit and pussy. I fought to keep my thighs open, pushing the dildo in. I rotated it sometimes as well, and my whole body was tingling and hot. As my orgasm hit I drove the dildo in even further, further than anything had ever been. It sent a shock, a wonderful, painful, exciting shock through me. I pushed it in that deep again and again as I orgasmed. My orgasm was drawn out, My insides were convulsing, getting harder, lasting longer than I had remembered, at least for a long time. I nearly doubled over. My hand slipped off the dildo, leaving it stuck high up inside me. My pussy spasmed around it, my thighs clutched together much too tightly to allow the dildo to be driven out. My hand went up to my breast, pinched my nipple, hard, pulling it up, out, hard, sending its own sparks trough my system. The finger on my clit was still punishing it until my convulsions began to subside.
I threw my body back against the chair, both hands dropping to my sides, useless. My thighs fell open, and one of my final pussy spasms shot the dildo out onto the floor. i was drained. Another pussy spasm and my hole felt empty, abandoned. I placed a hand back in my crotch, one lonely finger slipping into my hole for comfort as I settled down from that wonderful experience. I would rather have man, but this was very nice.
I played lightly with my pussy, as well as my nipples, as I returned to my senses. I thought about what had happened, how sexual it was, how hot it was, how much I had needed the release. Yes, much more release than my fingers alone had been able to give me these past couple months. And, oh yes, dinner. I hadn't eaten. My, I was hungry. But I was going to go grab just a quick bite to help my hunger and give myself a short rest, and then I was definitely going to come back and use my new toy once again. Oh yes, definitely again.